I Hate Heelys

It isn't uncommon to walk around outside, inside, anywhere in public really, and have a child come gliding past you. This is thanks to Heelys, the worst piece of footwear available on the market today. Heelys are shoes that roll. They are a basic athletic shoe with a wheel hidden into the heel, allowing the wearer to roll by shifting their weight to their heel.

Typically, children wear these, although they are available for adults, they have become a bane of my existence, and dare I say the global society. Children are already unpredictable, reckless, thoughtless, unfocused, and ignorant of their surroundings, so some mental-health supervisor in Oregon decided that he should develop shoes allowing them to move faster. The shoes only amplify their faults making for extremely dangerous scenarios.

I know it's terrible for me to say, but as with any thing that annoys me, seeing it get the better of the child is always a welcome scene. There is nothing like witnessing a child attempting a trick then watching them pick pavement out of their teeth. Or rather, pick their teeth out of the pavement. I suppose that's the only instance in which I would find Heelys acceptable.

When I'm at work and children are racing around the store, I will make no effort in moving out of the way allowing them to crash right into me. This ultimately gets them in trouble with their parents, who probably begrudgingly bought them the shoes to begin with. It's a shame that everyone has to suffer because of these shoes.

Regardless, Heelys are skates and parents are retarded to think they are safe. Most of these so-called parents of children who wear this footwear probably require them to wear protective gear if they were on rollerblades, or a skateboard, even a bike, but they some how miss the obvious feature in the shoes they bought for their children. This goes to show that parents these days don't take an active role in their children's lives.

See You Later

As much as retail sucks, there are those moments of glimmering enjoyment that cannot be recreated in an office setting. Most of those moments include customers and their sometimes-unabashed honesty when angry about something. Some customers will begin yelling and screaming at you as if you are the problem and not them, others will passive aggressively under their breath tell you they are never going to shop there again. We had one such customer today.

Unfortunately, she wasn't my customer but I was able to listen in on the entire conversation as I staffed the register next to her. The customer wanted to return a puffy-vest; she did not have her receipt but used a credit card to purchase the item. She also had in her possession a gift receipt. The cashier looked up her transaction using the customer's credit card and proceeded to complete the return. The customer found out through the course of the transaction that she would be receiving approximately $18 for the vest. She was sure she paid more for it and continued to argue with the cashier, who silently continued with the transaction. The customer began and continued to say repeatedly that she wasn't going to shop at Old Navy anymore and that she didn't shop at other stores for the same reason. This was in hope to get a reaction from us which none of us gave her.

Now, while I could go on about how the customer treated the employee and the supervisor that came around, I want to talk about another aspect of the argument. She clearly stated that she wasn't going to shop at Old Navy anymore. Can I hold her to that? I imagine me asking her to step to the side so I could take her picture to ensure that she doesn't accidentally come in and buy something. I know that would never happen, but I'm almost positive I could get away with saying something like, "I'm sorry your last transaction here is a negative one, but think of all the money you would save by not shopping here!" I would accompany this with my disarming charm and friendly smile.

In case you were wondering, the customer I spoke of before went home to get her original receipt and came back. She was wrong and the store was right so she was very apologetic about her attitude and thanked us for being so nice about the situation. I suppose we'll let her come back if she still wants to.

Celebrities Unite!

You know, there comes a point in every celebrity's life when they have to rise up and take a stand against all the injustice in the world. Their hearts are heavy with the suffering and oppression of people dying from disease, genocide and natural disasters. They must, in order to be dutiful and serviceable world citizens, put a face on these grievances and volunteer their notoriety and status to send a message of peace and well-being. Then I threw-up.

One of the many things I hate about celebrities is their attempt to add depth to their personas by adopting a cause. There is nothing lamer than seeing an entertainer, speak out against the war, or advocate for a particular disease or oppressed people. This all in an attempt to make us believe they care about something other than their shallow existence singing, dancing and acting like the trained monkey's they are.

As if they think I respect them so much; I'm willing to donate my time and money to a cause they endorse. I couldn't think of a more conceited, self-serving act to get them the publicity they need to advance their careers. If they truly cared about what's going on in the world, they wouldn't have gone into acting, but instead worked to better the world full time. Unfortunately for them, there's no money in volunteering . . . except when volunteering means you gain more fans to see your movies or buy your CDs.

Same goes for all politicians.

Top 10: Holiday Hate List

I thought since the holidays are nearly over, I would create this Top 10 list of things I hate about the holidays.

10. Black Friday - The day after Thanksgiving is considered the biggest and busiest shopping day of the year. It is the one time of year where retailers start making a profit, or move from the red to the black; hence the term Black Friday. It's also the day where retailers battle each other to get customers in their store. To do that, they drop prices on the hottest gifts of the season. This creates such frenzy that people line up outside in rain, sleet or snow to get a hold of these "doorbusters". I love the price drops, but hate the mania, which is why it is number 10 on this list.

09. Crowded Stores - You can count on crowded stores during the holidays. It doesn't matter what time of day or night, the stores will always be crowded with people making their lists and checking it twice. It all makes me feel naughty and not very nice, which is why it's number nine on this list.

08. Commercialism - We live in a culture of commercialism especially during the holidays, but when companies release products specifically to cash in on the holiday hoopla, I have a problem. Every company does it and they practically need to, but it all leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

07. Credit Card Bills - After all the shopping is done and the euphoria of the holidays is over, the bill comes. It's usually the nastiest bill of the year and in the end you have nothing to show for all the money you spent. Naturally, you remember all the joy you brought to your friends and family, but it still sucks.

06. Finding Gifts for People - There is nothing worse than searching for that perfect gift for the difficult to shop for person. This is usually the person who refuses to make a list or gives you that lame, "surprise me" line. Ultimately, it doesn't matter what you surprise them with, they will return or exchange it for something they really want. If they only told you what that was in the first place, it would save everyone a lot of time and effort.

05. Traditions - Recreating the same old holiday year after year for the sake of tradition. When you hide behind tradition, new memories are never made and each year begins to run into the next with no distinction of events. The holiday can become monotonous and predictable. That is not to say that traditions aren't important, they are, but you shouldn't feel the need to recreate an event because you did it the year before.

04. Holiday TV Specials Starring Musicians - We expect holiday movies, holiday commercials and holiday specials, but when musicians have their own holiday specials things get dicey. We've seen Clay Aiken, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey and now we are subjected to Rod Stewart crooning old Christmas "favorites". A take on the musical variety show is a pathetic attempt to resurrect a long-gone career.

03. Santa Hats in Public - People who wear Santa hats in public really annoy me. I often wonder if they immediately put those lame hats on at the stroke of midnight on the day after Thanksgiving. They walk around feeling all festive and clever when in fact they're not. What annoys me more is when the entire family partakes in the tradition. Naturally this annoyance doesn't apply to my family, because nobody in my family annoys me.

02. Holiday Decorations in January - I hate almost nothing more than seeing holiday decorations in January. It's the start of the new year, a fresh start filled with new possibilities, yet I'm still constantly reminded about the year before. January first is the date in which all holiday decorations should be down both inside and out and Christmas music put away. This could be the fact that I've been living the "holiday dream" since late October, which brings me to number one.

01. Holiday Decorations before Thanksgiving - Retailers try to coax people into beginning their holiday shopping early by putting up their decorations in October, nearly two months before Christmas. This is disgusting and I hate it, because by the time Christmas rolls around, I'm already sick and tired of having the holiday shoved down my throat every time I step outside.

That's it. That is my Top 10 reasons why I hate the holidays. While there are only ten things on this list, I could think of more. I also could think of many more reasons why I love the holidays, but I'm a squeaky wheel and that's why I created this hate list.