Bathroom Blues

Every morning I go to work and the first thing I do is clean the restrooms. It isn't a glamorous job, but it is one I enjoy. It's not that I enjoy cleaning the restrooms, it's more that I enjoy spending uninterrupted time at work first thing in the morning, acclimating myself to the environment. It's a time that no one comes to me asking questions or talking to me because I'm scraping dried poop of the restroom walls and no one wants to get close.

So I spend that time, thinking about the day and wiping down the seat and rim of toilets, making sure to wipe up every last drop of urine. Sounds gross? It is, but I'm used to it. Nevertheless, let me take this opportunity to tell you that the women's restroom is about ten times worse than the men’s. I often wonder how a woman can get fecal matter on the underside of the seat. It could be the result of explosive diarrhea, in which it comes out at such force that it splashes up, coating the entire bowl and seat. It must be one of those marvels of nature.

All of that is a wonder to behold and not nearly as annoying as how men just can't seem to flush the urinal. The handle is right there, waiting . . . nay, wanting to be pulled. I'm sure that it has nothing to do with germs, because after doing their business, some tend not to wash their hands. I know this because I don’t fill the soap container nearly as much as I fill the women’s container.

All can be forgiven however, because women do something men don't. When it is that time of the month, they have feminine hygiene products I must contend with daily. For all those women out there who are unaware, there is a proper way to dispose of these pads and corks. First, grab some bathroom tissue; next wrap used F.H.P. in bathroom tissue, then place it inside the sanitary bag located in the little trash can in the stall. It certainly isn't difficult, and it makes for a much easier restroom cleaning experience.

Everyday I'm amazed at what I come across. On more than one occasion, I have stood back and wondered how someone could physically accomplish that days biohazard. The experience has toughened me up considerably and I can now almost handle anything.