An After School Activity

When it's slow at work, my mind tends to wander to the inane or ridiculous. So, while I was working in the fitting room, there was a woman with her two children, trying on clothes. Afterwards, she comes out and her children begin to run up and down the fitting runway.

Once the mother gathered her children and left, another employee looked at me with that look one makes when they see a parent not parenting. I think we've all had that look on our face at one time or another. The employee then motions me over and I see the little girl on the ground. "Did he knock her over?" I asked. She nodded yes.

This got me to thinking. Everyone is familiar with cockfights. If you're not, cockfights are an aggressive blood sport that pits two specially bred and trained roosters against one another in a pit. Often wagers are made to determine the winning cock and fleeing from police will become a favored past time. But why not substitute roosters with children?

After continuing to think about this, it was clear that a cockfight with kids was too pedestrian. It needed more structure, so I decided it needed to have the grit of Fight Club, with a UFC rule thrown in for safety. I certainly don't want any children to die that would be irresponsible. Therefore, I decided to come up with a few rules.

Rule #1: Only combatants between the ages of 2 and 10 are eligible.

Rule #2: Combatants will fight those in the same weight class.

Rule #3: Only two combatants to a fight.

Rule #4: The fight is only over when a combatant is knocked out.

Rule #5: Fights will go on for as long as the combatants are conscious.

Rule #6: Everyone goes out for ice cream after the fight.

I figure if kids are going to fight, and they are; you might as well give them an arena to do it with a few basic guidelines. These fights can be held anywhere where children are available, toy stores, play grounds, schools, you name it and a fight can take place.