Another Awkward Experience

Have you ever seen a couple and wondered how these two people of obviously different leagues got together? I happened upon a couple today while I was doing my time in the fitting room. A man walks in, looking slightly above average at a quick glance, possibly average upon closer inspection, wearing all black or what I like to call, "cliché-chic". I show him to his room and go back to my task.

A few seconds later a woman walked in and said, "I'd like a room next to my husband." I thought; what husband? Certainly she wasn't talking about the man I just showed to a room. That was impossible, she looked below average whether you were glancing at her or looking her straight in the face. I walked her to the room next to her "husband". As I was opening the door, she said, "Next to that young strapping man." WHAT!? Immediately I felt enough awkwardness for both me and her husband who was probably feeling the same. I politely chuckled and promptly went back to my task.

One would hope that was the end of it, to my horror, it wasn't. It actually got more awkward. While they are both in their separate rooms, she says aloud, "My husband, I like saying that." This garners no response from him. I get the feeling they are newlyweds, but of the older variety. If you looked at the husband and thought young, he would look young. If you thought slightly older, he could pass as being in his mid thirties. The wife on the other hand, just looked old.

Next, she says, "I love you." He responds in kind, but a somewhat exasperated "I love you" like he didn't want to say it, but felt he had to. They both step out of their rooms to get each other's opinions and the wife talks about how the pants look too baggy. Yes, they're baggy, that's kind of the point when you pick out Loose fit khakis; they fit loose, so they're going to look baggy. I didn't say it, because I was just overhearing a conversation and didn't want to take part in anything that was going on there.

She continues to pick at his pants and says, "This style doesn't work for you, you're more GQ." I immediately smiled, because that applies amazingly well to their relationship. He's GQ style; she's Old Navy style. If you read GQ and you heed GQ's advice about men's fashion, you don't go to Old Navy. They both close their doors and put the next item on.

She comes out of her room first and proclaims to her husband for all to hear, "You're not going to like these pants, big camel toe." If you don't know what that is, I'm definitely not going to explain it, and I advise you not to look it up. Needless to say, I was unprepared to hear it said and I thought how utterly low class this woman was. The awkwardness in the room elevated infinite fold. Again, what did this man find attractive about his wife?

My mind turned to mush for a few minutes, trying to recover. The man comes out of his room and hands me the clothes he wasn't getting. I couldn't look him in the eye, and he probably didn't want me to. He hung around for a few minutes waiting for his troll of a wife to finish and then walks out. The wife comes out of her fitting from looking for her husband repeating loudly, "Runaway husband" in her obnoxious tone that could peel paint. If I were he, I would be running as far away from this woman as possible, but he was just standing outside the fitting rooms by their cart.

When they finally leave, I wondered how long this marriage was going to last. By the sound of it, she probably had something on him that he didn't want to get out. The only way she would keep his dirty secret was by marrying her. That can be the only explanation. He must have done something terrible to warrant such a punishment.